Strong … stronger…

Wondering what is it with strength now? Well, this time I have something better than usual weight loss efforts for which I bother people. I have been speaking to people around that all I would need to be strong enough now, and I would be fine in no time as I am pretty strong. Today when I realized a tear rolling down my fair cheek and I suddenly wondered where has the strength disappeared, that I have been promising around …?!!

Well then I realized getting strong and stronger are something which come in talks and actions are much beyond talks… sorry people, I can not prove strong any more and now I decide its not important to comfort people by promising strength, but its important to live in reality. Life is getting beyond motivations now! Absorbing fact, worrying each time my good memory chokes brain, and right then, a smile appears through the tickle created by tear rolling down from my big black eye!! Feeling as I am too beautiful to cry and why not change eye liner from a water proof one to a local one, may scare me of black drain and keep me away from rolling tears in sub-consciousness like this… hmm… motivations never end in life!!

Birthday, me and the surprises...

My birthday bash was something I thought I would pen down, contributing to 100s of laughs and more laughs to everyone reading my blog…!!

(You would find Neha, me and other people referred in this blog… neha happens to be my colleague and roommate!!)

Neha has brought some head phone kind of head set which had two horns with red lights in them, and a on/off switch over that. Trust me it was too scary in dark and we decided we would scare everyone in hostel when power goes off.

Day 21st March, 2010, 11:45 PM: Gurgaon power supply is taking a great deal these days, and as like all other days power was down by this time. I, the most courageous felt Neha would be on the terrace, and I would go with this head set to scare her… to my amazement, Neha wasn’t there and there was a maid and her small baby on the terrace, and they got scared and started shouting… in no time I got scared and I started running back; power resumed in the mean time to soothe everyone…

Day 22nd March, 2010, 12:00 AM: Finally Neha who has disappeared since some time has turned up with a birthday cake, (although a poor surprise, still it was a surprise, as I kept pestering her to tell me whats there in surprise for my birthday since the time she turned back from delhi and she kept lying that she forgot that its 22nd and my birthday and stuff…)

I had only heard that people who live together for 6 months would start thinking alike, but now I could see both my roomies proving the hypothesis… they both have opened their surprises for me… the first one coming out from both of them was birthday cap… oh my god, they have put both the hats just like two horns on my head!!

The moment I blew the candles, power was down and the generator was testing our patience which took entire 20 mins to start that night… by the end of 20th minute, the entire cake was on me, and people were entering my room, holding a lighted candle to capture a picture… time was actually precious to be wasted…!! So people didn’t leave a second of enjoyment…. And I was sitting with all that cream and busy exploring my surprises…

Doing this doing that, answering phone calls, I finally slept at 2:30 AM…

Day 23rd March, 2010 10:30 AM: Mid of busy day at office, Neha rushed to my seat to propose for a movie treat in the evening…. Sooner we decided, we started calling all the invites and I finally booked tickets for a movie.

My invites this time for birthday were only the pretty close ones here in gurgaon, and I avoided all other hi hello friends and colleagues for a dinner in the weekend…. These closer pies didn’t actually mind to ask me what movie it is, me and neha didn’t even bother to enquire how the movie is and booked the show the moment we saw vacant top row…

8:10 PM: Late to the movie by 15 mins, we all finally reached the movie, and everybody was startled except both of us looking at the title… “love, sex and dhoka”… or “LSD”….
Day being my birthday people didn’t have much to say, and we silently entered the theatre… first 20 mins we couldn’t understand nothing and there was some murder, horror in the movie…. Although it was a little beyond comfort zones, but it was quite manageable by all of us…

34th min we all were out of the hall and no one actually could say anything out of embarrassment… and there we landed at Nirula’s for a celebration again…

the crazy world could actually stop getting crazier… I had a ice cake in front of me… haaaannn… it took a great deal to cut that and then everyone had to put great efforts in eating that….

This experience had taken us to a realization and we decided we would walk out of that mall and go somewhere else to dine… then it was a usual dinner near a restaurant at my place… god knows what we had in the night at 11:00 PM, the whole 23rd March, all of us were struggling to keep our eyes open fighting sleep and restlessness…

I had no words for this birthday of mine, except a wide smile on my face, welcoming odds and evens that I had encountered in these past 24 hours….

Bought sleep for a lakh rupees!!

I had been suffering some sleepless nights since some time, and I kept trying different things to get back to my normal 8-10 hour sleeping zone!! Various suggestions from office, friends and other Free Advisers (FAs) I have got were, exhaustive work out sessions, early morning yoga practice, sleeping as early as 10 pm, daily cooking sessions etc etc… Although all the above trials had showed enough effects in putting down a little weight and improving my cooking grade to “can be tested on all living beings” from “not to be tested on kids” but my sleeplessness couldn't get much.

Sick and tired of trying out all this for two weeks, I gave it up and tried moving on!! Sooner, I realized why I am not trying for CFA!! I opened doors for the FAs, added a little brainstorming I finally landed with a pile of Schweser – L1 (that’s the course structure for level-1 CFA) within 48 hours. To my amazement, I realized I have been sleeping over the first book by 12.00 in the mid-night since 5 days and not getting up before 8 in the morning…

Alas, how could I forget this super funda of life!! Exam and sleep are most closely related activities of life, and if one is bothered by sleeplessness, then its time to complete another professional degree… I am sure any one problem would get solved; either they get another huge hike at office or a happy nap at home!!

How often people come back to hear your feedback on yourself!!

Something was bothering me since some time, well, it isn’t the worry which has doomed me in sorrow, but then, it’s the people who often come back to take my feedback on my state. Each time to my surprise, I find people turning up to say, “oh, I am so sorry, btw, how are you feeling about it now, you must be fine!?” then I realize what if I say I am happy after what-so-ever loss, or what if I say my world has turned upside down post the loss.

But then, taking a feedback on how one feels after a mess up in their life often sounds sick. Then I got on thinking ahead, if their intention behind this feedback is to gear up themselves for such an incident in a marginal case where it happens with them!! Hmm.. there I could find a clue, in no instance people find others’ lives interesting, unless and until they feel they might need to walk in similar shoes at any stage of their life, and hence they come back to take feedback!

This brainstorming has chilled my brains and now people, welcome for feedback, what if I start writing a book on “how it feels after” for each and every nonsense that happens in life!!